2016 was possibly the worst year ever. If you have to ask why, then you've clearly been in a coma for the past 365 days. WAKE UP BYOTCH!
If you're still standing, then you're obviously a strong person with bones of steel or whatever. Therefore, you will be able to handle the horror that 2017 is bringing! And by horror, I'm referring to the greatest cinematic genre of all time: SCARY MOVIES!
You might want to turn the lights on, or if you're sadistic like me, turn them off! Here's what 2017 has in store for us...
Maybe you've read the Stephen King book. Maybe you watched the 90s miniseries with Tim Curry. Maybe you've never heard of the infamous Pennywise the Dancing Clown. You're about to...whether you want to or not!
Release date: September 8, 2017
Originally, this relaunch of the epic franchise about a video that kills you 7 days after watching was scheduled for 2015. But production delays and Hollywood bullshit got in the way. Finally, in 2017, fans of the series with the girl coming out of the television will be back. One word of advice: STAY AWAY FROM OLD VHS TAPES!
Release date: February 3, 2017
"A Cure for Wellness"
Why you should be excited: Gore Verbinski, who did the original
Ring, is directing this creepy psychological thriller. You may want to bring a friend so you don't have to endure this one alone.
Release date: February 17, 2017
After its official premiere, this terrifying flick received a 4.5 minute standing ovation. Kristin Stewart is proving to be a powerhouse of an actress and the French language sounds oh so sexy on her. The story focuses on Stewart's character receiving a series of signs from her recently-deceased brother. Count me in!
Release date: March 10, 2017
It's a cannibal story! Those with easily-upset stomachs should stay FAR. AWAY. Some audience members have already
passed out while watching this graphic fright-feast.
Release date: March 10, 2017
Ready to play a game for the 8th time?
Note: The above is a fan-made trailer. The official trailer has not yet been released.
Release date: October 27, 2017
"Amityville: The Awakening"
A family with an ill son has to move to a cheaper house in order to save money to pay for his healthcare. What house might that be? You guessed it. The infamous
Release date: January 6, 2017
"The Bye Bye Man"
Don't be fooled by the cheesy title. "The Bye Bye Man" is shaping up to be one of the scariest films of 2017. A supernatural entity possess people and forces them to go on massive killing sprees. It's like if a slasher flick and demonic possession flick hooked up and birthed a weirdly messed-up child.
Release date: January 13, 2017
"The Dark Tower"
What do you get when you combine Stephen King's classic series of novels called "The Dark Tower," Idris Elba, and Matthew McConaughey? One of the most hotly anticipated movies of 2017! This is gonna be epic. Not a ton is known yet. A trailer was leaked but has since been taken down. Here is a
breakdown from people who were able to snap some screenshots of the leaked footage.
Release date: July 28, 2017